Have you ever stopped and took time to look closely at the trees in a forest? If you have, you might notice that not all trees are the same and they don’t all grow in one direction. Trees can literally be shaped by their environment and other elements in nature, leading to these unique shapes.
I recently attended an all-day retreat where we spent a lot of time in and among nature. During one of the walks I went on, I was told to pay attention to what I noticed and what spoke to me the most. What first caught my attention were trees bending in a variety of ways.
Similar to trees, we are shaped by our environment. We experience things, often beyond our control, and we develop ways to cope and survive. Over time our survival mechanisms can become behaviors, beliefs, and ways of thinking. It can impact how we view ourselves and the world.
Often, the difference between how we view ourselves and how we view the trees is that we usually don’t get upset and blame the trees for growing in unusual directions or not being straight and upright. We understand that things beyond their control happened to them, and this led them to have to adapt to survive. To me, that shows strength and resilience, and is beautiful.
So then why do we blame ourselves when we struggle with a situation or relationship, when it is rooted in our past experiences? Why do we become angry with ourselves and are hard on ourselves when we have difficulty making changes to the ways we found safety in the past? Why do we carry shame for things that happened to us that were beyond our control? Or carry shame for survival reactions in the moment?
These were all questions I sat with that day, wondering if I could change my perspective. Could I see my traumas and all that happened to me as not my fault? Could I see the ways I bent and curved so that I could survive? Could I see this as resilient and a strength instead of as a weakness to overcome?
These were all new ways of looking at myself and my life, and it began to change how I felt about myself. Instead of shame for how I adapted, I could begin to feel a sense of pride that I had found a way to get through difficult times in my life.
The other thing that stood out to me were the trees that were leaning against one another. There was one tree in particular that looked as if it were holding up another tree. I could see how the closeness of the trees allowed for them to get support from one another. If one got knocked over somehow, most likely there was another tree to catch its fall.
When we develop close relationships, we allow people to be there for us and to catch us when we fall. We can lean on one another for support in times of need. But we can only do this if we allow in the closeness. The more distance and space we put between us and other people, the harder everything can be. When we get support, life can feel more manageable and less lonely.
When I looked around at all the trees I realized that none of them were alone. They all were allowed to show their wounds and scars. I thought about how if humans were able to do this as freely as these trees, we might be able to more easily see that we are not alone in the hardships we have experienced.
So can you allow more vulnerability into your life so that you can be seen and feel less alone? How can you allow for more closeness with others? What helps you feel closer to others? Do you trust that others will be there when you need them? If not, why is that and how can you remedy that?
These are all questions to consider with the various relationships in your life. We can play a role in how our relationships take shape and the dynamics that exist in them, and so we also can play a role in changing these dynamics to fit better with what we need.
If you would like help exploring or improving your relationships, learning how to open up and be more vulnerable with others, and having more compassion for yourself as you make changes in your life, reach out to me! I love meeting with people one on one or working with relationships to bring more joy, love, and support into someone’s life.
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